(See previous)
EXT. CAPTAIN CRAWFISH’S SHIP “H.M.S. SEA CHICKEN” – MORNING
It’s the next day since the villain’s escape from Erewhon prison. While there’s no storms currently overhead, the sky is patched with clouds. BLACK WIDOW is on deck, wrapping her wrists and hands with bandages and tape.
She turns to one of the masts, where an area has been marked with old paint splatters. WIDOW starts punching, rapidly striking at the pole with no apparent injury or pain to her knuckles.
CUT TO the interior of CAPTAIN CRAWFISH’S cabin, which is placed near the stern. The windows are decorated with red stained glass, and crimson-hued lanterns add light to the room. It’s covered in treasure and nice furniture from his previous expeditions, including luxurious rugs, antique globes that map different “dimensions” of Poptropica, and a daybed in a nook. CRAWFISH is sitting at his main desk near the windows, with some extra chairs placed out. DIRECTOR D., MOREAU, and his assistant EDWARD are all in the room.
CRAWFISH motions to the chairs.
CRAWFISH
Sit, sit all of you.
MOREAU and DIRECTOR D. sit. EDWARD continues to keep watch by the door.
CRAWFISH
I hope you lot had a nice first sleep aboard!
DIRECTOR D.
It was…nice.
(con’t)
Certainly better than the prison bedrooms, even for the staff.
MOREAU
I could have done without the snoring from your crew.
EDWARD laughs.
CRAWFISH
You’ll just have to learn to tune it out.
(con’t)
So, let’s go over the next few weeks, or months depending on how long we take. You said we have six months until the world goes to [PIRATE OBSCENITY], so we’ve got to plan for the worst there.
MOREAU winces.
MOREAU
I’m not sure that Hare could do that long at sea…
CRAWFISH
As you can imagine, this boat is meant for a certain…maximum occupancy, you might say. I can fit you and the others, even if we needed a couple extra hammocks, but you’ll have to plan how to feed yourselves, make sure no one’s fighting for time on the head, all that.
DIRECTOR D.
Where’s our nearest port?
CRAWFISH waves his hand. EDWARD crosses to him, handing over a map. CRAWFISH points at a small island.
CRAWFISH
We could reach this little one today, but I don’t think you’d find much there. Just some small towns, nothing worth pillaging for gold, just little stores and people.
DIRECTOR D. snaps his fingers.
DIRECTOR D.
That’s all we need. Prepare for a landing, we’ve got our first mission!
CRAWFISH
I’m the one who calls the shots around here.
DIRECTOR D.
It’s just going to be a short visit.
(con’t)
Now that we’ve finally escaped, we’ve got our first important stop!
CUT TO DIRECTOR D. in line at a small gas station store with some groceries, wearing a cheap disguise from some old pirate’s clothes as the scanner beeps.
INT. CAPTAIN CRAWFISH’S SHIP “H.M.S. SEA CHICKEN” – EVENING
DIRECTOR D. is back onboard as the ship rests in a small, foggy inlet far from any prying eyes while the villains sneak back and forth for supplies. He’s carrying multiple plastic bags which do not fit with the aesthetic of the rustic ship.
He climbs down to the lower decks, where most of the former prisoners are.
DIRECTOR D.
(Dumping the contents of the bags onto a table)
And here you go!
DR. HARE immediately rushes to snatch some carrots. RAVEN begins inspecting a can that was about to roll off.
DIRECTOR D.
Most of these are non-perishables, but I thought I might toss in a few things thanks to my universal black card!
(con’t)
And some uh, “tinkering” with those ATMs.
BLACK WIDOW
I could have got this all for nothing.
DIRECTOR D.
We’ve got enough people chasing after us, let’s not add petty theft to the list. I thought you were above that.
BLACK WIDOW
I do whatever I need.
DIRECTOR D.
Oh, and–!
He tosses a metal can at the BINARY BARD, who has been standing near the entrance to the galley. BARD catches it.
DIRECTOR D.
Rust cleaner, it gets really bad in sea air.
DR. HARE
(In between stuffing raw carrots into his mouth)
Any news about the office?
DIRECTOR D.
Crawfish said the ship is cramped as it is, so he’s still got to figure out a place for you to do your research. And no, he will not give you his quarters for that.
DR. HARE
(Continuing to eat an absurd amount of carrots)
“Sharing is caring”.
Footsteps come from above. The COOK climbs down the steps to the lower deck, heading to the galley.
COOK
You! The captain wants all of you back with him!
(con’t, pushing through the group)
And get out of the way of my kitchen!
The COOK steals the last of the carrots which HARE was about to eat. HARE pouts.
INT. CAPTAIN’S QUARTERS – EVENING
The “MAIN FOUR”, DIRECTOR D., MOREAU, and EDWARD are all crowded into the captain’s quarters. RAVEN presumably had no interest in joining them in this already claustrophobic space.
DIRECTOR D.
Thank you all here for attending.
(con’t)
You know, I used to have this state of the art globe that would change depending on which “island” you visited. It was accurate to every dimension it recorded.
CRAWFISH
All of them?
DIRECTOR D.
Well, most. Obviously some of the remote ones like the Kingdom of Arturus were not.
CRAWFISH
Arturus, eh? I’ve never tried to go near that one.
HARE
It’s extremely hard to find, much less reach without risking your life.
BARD
I remember the people from Erewhon had…some trouble arriving for me.
MOREAU
But it’s also one of the strangest, and oldest. If we are to find anything about the decline, it may be there.
BARD’S demeanor suddenly changes from relatively unbothered to stern.
BARD
We…are not going there.
HARE
But you might know how to get us there, right?
BARD
I say we are not going there. That godforsaken place would have nothing.
It seems no one wants to press further. DIRECTOR D. turns back to the maps on the table. CRAWFISH begins mapping out the distance between some of the islands with a compass.
DIRECTOR D.
‘Dentist Island’…? Why would anyone mark it as that?
MOREAU
That may be the one place more terrifying than this boat.
DIRECTOR D.
“Galactic Hot Dogs”? What is that even supposed to mean? Who’s naming these?
BARD
I’d like to ask who thought it was a good idea to let those Americans in space.
HARE
Too late. The flag is already on one of our dimensional moons.
BARD
…Surely you jest?
HARE
Not any more than you.
MOREAU
(Points)
Isn’t this where that El Mustachio was from? Dusty…Gulc?
DIRECTOR D.
Dusty Gulch.
HARE
It’s an “h” sound, Moreau. Like my name: Harvey Hare.
[Writer’s note—the French language has a silent “h”.]
BARD
Dis-le comme un murmure, /h/.
MOREAU and WIDOW both jump.
MOREAU
Wait—you know?
BARD
I gathered some while listening to you and your cousin’s quarrels.
DIRECTOR D.
Are you saying you can just pick up a language by listening to it??
(con’t)
Why didn’t you mention this before?
BARD
Our captain here said I must stay onboard at all times!
CRAWFISH
Because you stick out like a metal circus tent!
HARE
I took some Spanish in school—
DIRECTOR D.
How long do you think it would take you to learn ancient Chinese?
BARD
Be more precise. You keep saying I speak “Old English” when, by your definition, it would be “Early—”
CRAWFISH
Enough with that man’s ego. We need an actual plan first!
HARE
Hard to make one when we don’t even know—
A woman bursts into the room, one of the pirates.
PIRATE #1
Captain! Sorry for the intrusion—you need to see this right now!
CUT TO the deck. One of the smaller masts has broken in two, with the wood rotting and splintered. A strange darkness emanates from it, spreading to the surrounding deck.
EDWARD tries to get a closer look. CRAWFISH holds out his sword to stop him.
CRAWFISH
Wait.
BINARY BARD takes the initiative, sticking his bionic hand toward the mast. In an instant, deep rust crawls up his fingers, and creaking can be heard from the metal joints. He jumps back, uncharacteristically afraid.
BARD
Ah!
CRAWFISH
Have you been neglecting my ship while I was gone?
PIRATE #1
It was not like this at all yesterday!
(con’t)
This mast was just repaired.
DIRECTOR D.
Where did you source the wood from for this?
PIRATE #1
We, erm…
(con’t)
We ‘borrowed’ it…
WIDOW
Just say you stole it.
PIRATE #1
Stole, yes. We stole it from this port where a bunch of fellas with pointed hats chased us.
She motions toward her tricorn hat, mimicking a pair of horns.
DIRECTOR D.
Vikings…
(con’t)
So this stuff is ancient. No wonder it barely lasted.
EDWARD
What should we do with it?
CRAWFISH
Throw it over. This shouldn’t be anywhere near us.
HARE
None of your pirates should be touching this.
(con’t)
Director, Widow, you two come with me.
While it’s a bit of an effort for only two people (HARE just opts to stand aside and order them around), DIRECTOR D. and WIDOW manage to detach the remaining mast and clear it off the ship. The surrounding floorboards are also sawed out. Before everything is chucked, HARE puts a piece of the rotting wood in a small glass jar.
HARE
I’ll inspect this later. I’m assuming none of you here have Petri dishes or microscopes?
DIRECTOR D. wipes some sweat off his face with a rag. He’s removed his tuxedo to just a plain white t-shirt.
DIRECTOR D.
We’ll look wherever we stop.
(con’t)
I suggest we find whatever “past” location is closest to us. If they’re having trouble we may find more of these, and if not, we may figure out what’s protecting them.
(con’t)
Have any of you seen this before?
CRAWFISH
No…
He looks back at the crew.
EDWARD
Well, the ship has been harder to clean…
(con’t)
But we just thought we were out o’ practice, y’know?
CRAWFISH
I have noticed more white hairs in my beard than before…but I thought that was just the prison.
BARD’S scrubbing at his hand. The rust doesn’t seem to be budging.
BARD
(Scraping at the metal)
Fie—!
(con’t)
I ne’er saw anything like that in Arturus, but I left for half my life.
HARE
But you’re still from there. Something should be happening to you regardless of whether you’re standing on the land or not.
BARD
…Nothing. Not until this.
DIRECTOR D.
I suggest we set our sights on Dusty Gulch. They’re a bit of a “past” dimension, and one of the closest to us from here.
CRAWFISH
Crew, you know what to do!
The PIRATES begin rushing about the deck like scurrying mice. Having recovered from the shock of the earlier incident, CRAWFISH heads to the steering wheel with EDWARD, looking over the map. WIDOW takes the opportunity to watch as PIRATE #1 and PIRATE #2, an older man with a smoking pipe always in his mouth, change the sails.
We move to RAVEN, who is at the stern with a little fishing rod. The string becomes taut, and he starts to reel in the bite.
As the ship begins to pick up speed, the waves move too quickly to hold the fish, and the rod snaps in two.
RAVEN
Perfect timing, guys!
(He stands up, brushing off his clothes)
More dry crackers and peas for dinner.
He takes notice of WIDOW behind him, who’s still watching as the sails are adjusted. She’s having a inaudible conversation with PIRATE #1, who maneuvers across the rope ladders with ease even though one eye is covered.
RAVEN scowls. WIDOW finally notices him, freezes, and rushes out of his sight before he can speak to her.
RAVEN
Lâche.
We’re going on a trip, in our favorite pirate ship.
Castori honorem ~ Maryann/Smart Bubbles