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PHB Valentine’s Special, Part 2: Tainted Love

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Valentine's-Special

Continued from Part 1

(The remaining AUTHORS are sitting in BLAKE’S office, as STRANGE MONSTER and POPULAR WOLF hold the door shut.)

Blake: Wow, I actually thought shooting them again would stop them.

Fishy: You just made it worse! Now they’re after us.

Blake: Well maybe someone should pay for lessons to teach me how to read, eh? How was I supposed to know the label said “Puppy Love?”

HP: I honestly thought it would turn them into dogs or something. But no, now they want to kill us.

Skinny Ice: Honestly? Not how I wanted to go down.

Ylimegirl: Yeah, I know. I wanted to go down on a beach in Paris, shooting down the enemy armies as my fighter plane barrels into the ocean..

(The ENTIRE GROUP stares in shock.)

Ylimegirl: What? Too vivid?

Blake: Um, yeah. So anyway, how do we stop them? Taking them down isn’t an option, since two of them are our own.

GH: There’s so many of them!

Paul: Well maybe SOMEONE shouldn’t have released them into the streets of Back Lot Island!

GH: You know, I thought that would work. You know, zombies LOVE Queequeg’s.

Paul: Have you been reading the landlord’s collection of zombie fanfiction again?

GH: Maybeeeee…

(The DOOR shatters, as SD pokes her head inside.)

SD: Hey guys! You guys wanna let me in there? I can show you the love you desire!

PW: They’re breaking down the door! What do we do?

Blake: It’s quite simple, actually. You see, if I just walk over to this crate and open my “Emergency Plot Point Kit,” I retrieve my..

(BLAKE pulls out a small bottle of black liquid.)

Blake: ANTI-LOVE SERUM!

WKF: Really? You couldn’t have pulled that stuff out when you shot them originally?

Blake: Shhhh…don’t ruin my moment.

(BLAKE aims carefully, and hits SD in the arm with an arrow dipped in the Anti-Love Serum. She quickly reverts to normal.)

Blake: Thank you, Plot Point Kit! Now, everyone grab a bow from the crate and start shooting!

(LATER *since I didn’t want to write the same sequence over and over…*)

Blake: Well, it looks like everything worked out alright in the end!

HP: It is a shame that nobody but us will ever see that epic action sequence we went through.

SD: Well, it is  a kid’s blog!

(THEY ALL laugh.)

Blake: Now, come on. Who’s ready for some Valentine’s pizza?

(The CROWD cheers as they all walk out of the entrance. Enter TALL CACTUS and CUDDLY KNUCKLE, drenched in mud.)

TC: Hello?  We made it!

CK: Yeah, whenever the bus crashed, we ended up in a mud bank, and went on a journey of self-discovery!

TC: Cuddly, I think the special’s over..

(A strange BLACK FIGURE materializes.)

Black Figure: Not necessarily… How would you two like to join my Monster Army?

TC: Gladly!

CK: Yeah, we’re sick of getting 2-paragraph cameos at the end of things.

Black Figure: Excellent. Let us begin…

To be continued in the 2016 PHB Halloween Special…

Hope you enjoyed the PHB Valentine’s Special!

Happy Valentine’s Day! <3



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